Some Things Aren't Meant to Be: On Picking Yourself Back Up Again

Some things aren't meant to be. It's rubbish, but it's true. Life throws us all sorts of stuff to deal with when we are least ready to be able to deal with it. But, if you believe that there's a path that's pretty much already laid out for you, like I do, then you'll know that things work out okay in the end. They might not be okay right now, but they will be.

There are some things in our lives that just aren't meant to be part of that path in the long run. They might not last forever, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they weren't supposed to happen. My friend Natalie says that people come into our lives for a lifetime, for a season or for a reason; I'd like to stretch that to situations and circumstances. Some things are happy and they might last forever, or they might be a constant struggle. Some things happen for a short time, they might be sad or they might be happy. And there are things in life that happen to us or that we are part of because we are purely supposed to learn from those things. It might be a lesson that results in a change of behaviour, opinion or outlook, or it might be that we are supposed to learn to live with or without something, or maybe we're supposed to value something in a way that we didn't know it was possible. Regardless, things challenge us to make us stronger.

The scary and awful thing about getting stronger, is that you have to feel weaker for a while first. That's the bit that sucks ass. But the important thing is that we need to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and carry on. If we didn't, we'd be pretty stuck.

Picking yourself up is easier said than done. But you'll get there.

Take a bath. Get dressed that day. Sleep. Cry. Scream. Throw things. Take time out. Find some headspace. Be alone. Don't be alone. Spend time with friends. Watch tv sit-coms. Light a candle. Remember to eat. Talk. Think about where you want to be in a week, a month, a year, three years. Do anything you need to, but remember that there is something at the other end. There's something after all of shit bits that's worth riding out the storm for. Take the time that you need and then stand up and carry on.

We got this.

Yep, I did it again...Lush Haul!

I know it happens far too often on here, but the reason why I picked up a few bits today is because I feel like I haven't been practising self-care quite often enough. I have somewhat neglected myself over the past few months and it's made me miserable. To the point where I was thinking of making myself a rescue dog shelter style advert to put out there. Bad times, folks. 

But there's been a happy new release in our local Lush and I just thought I'd pick a few extra bits up while I was grabbing one of those for myself. Rejoice!! 

I'll start with the newbie then...

Lava Lamp Bath Ballistic

Orange with purple spots, it looks like something from a different planet and I'm extremely excited to see what it looks like in the water. Too excited almost. I lead a sad life, as you can tell. And I'm very happy pleased that it's a cheeky fruity orange number too. 

Milky Bath Bubble Bar

I'm not going to talk about this, I pick one up every time I do a little haul. Sorry. Not sorry. 

Yoga Bomb Bath Ballistic

I haven't had one of these sandalwood beauties pretty much since it came out last year. I wasn't keen at first but now it's one of my favourites, and really relaxing treat...and the odd colour change. 

Frozen Bath Ballistic 

Grapefruit. Neroli oil. Glitter. What more does a stressed out girl need? Moving on. 

Rose Jam Bubbleroon 

I just happened to wander past this earlier and breathed it in. I fell in love with the Rose Jam shower gel pretty much 3 years ago and I've never given this gem enough credit. But it smells exactly the same and I can't wait to use it.

Twilight Bath Ballistic 

Despite being one of the older ballistics, I hadn't tried this one before a few weeks ago, and it's beautiful. I love it's sweet lavender scent. I think it's one of my new favourites. 

I know it's probably not all that exciting, but it's my way of jumping back into my blog. Which I'm afraid has been just as neglected as I have been. All my fault of course. Girl gotta put her hands up sometimes at just admit it. 

KIKO Makeup First Impressions

Apart from receiving a Kiko Eyeshadow Stick in a subscription box once, I have to admit I was a complete stranger to Kiko Makeup as a brand. I didn't know how good value for money it was, I didn't know how good quality the products would be and I didn't know whether they would be my cup of tea. 

The answers to those ponderings are:

Cheap.

Quality.

And spot on. It's the make up equivalent of an earl grey with two sugars and a spoon of milk. (Don't even start on how wrong my tea drinking habits are). 

I've been trying to use a lot more eye shadows when I do my make up, I've even been watching tutorials about it. So I picked up a couple of Kiko's single eyeshadows. The Kiko products don't have names, only numbers, so I'll try and find them and add them in at some point. But I have been glued to the very light shimmery white colour, it's perfect for highlighting your brow bone and neat ending up your brows! 

I picked up this mega bright dark pink lipstick simply because I don't have one like it already. It's creamy, easy to apply, does bleed everywhere and has a fantastic pigmented colour. 

I have to laugh sometimes at the packaging because, as funky as it is, it reminds me of something else. Absolute child. 

Lip liners? Say what? I've never been one for actually doing my lips properly. Probably why my bold lip game has never been all that strong. But I picked up a red lip liner because I wear a red lip all of the time and wanted up my game. 

I like the colour of this enough, however, I do find that it dries my lips out something rotten. Plenty of lip balm and TLC is needed. 

Lastly, this is one of their lengthening and volumising mascaras. I don't hate it but I'm also not a fan. Just don't think it really does that much. Shame.

So there was my little Kiko haul, I've enjoyed trying some of their make up as its not somewhere I've ventured before. I shall be venturing back there soon, I hope. Especially since all of this came to around £25! 

Not More Empties?

I'm feeling pretty ashamed that I've once again completely abandoned my blog, only to come back a month later and apologise with my tail between my legs. This is why I'll never be particularly successful, I have no persistence. I'm the world's biggest procrastinator! Sorry. 

But I thought I would kick us off with a round up of some empty bottles that I've been hoarding. Because let's face it, who doesn't love reading about other people's empty cosmetics...

I once again got myself through a bottle of the Garnier Micellar Water. I love this stuff, it makes me feel so much less guilty than using face wipes to remove make up. 

Another bathroom cabinet staple of mine is Lush Daddy O shampoo, perfect for blonde hair. Literally, I can't get enough of this stuff and I point blank refuse to use anything else! 

Next, onto a couple of mini face creams. I opened these little guys up from inside my Body Shop advent calendar and they were very welcome. I've used The Body Shop Vitamin E Moisture Cream before, and I remember not being that fussed about it but I'll never pass over something filled with vitamin E. The matching night cream however, that's a whole new ball game! Complete game changer! And I have actually repurchased a full sized pot and now use it daily as part of my routine. (That's The Body Shop Vitamin E Night Cream, incase you missed it.)

Another one from The Body Shop (noticing a trend here yet?) is the Creamy Tea Tree Facial Wash. I'm not one for using tea tree on my face, I usually find products that contain it to be far far too astringent and harsh on my quite sensitive, dry skin. However, with my massive acne breakouts (haven't been this bad since high school) I needed to resort to desperate measures and this was recommended by one of the sales assistants as it's creamy texture helps to avoid drying out the skin. She was right, I love the stuff. When I went back to get some more, she told me that they have actually discontinued it(!?!) so I bought the very last two bottles that they had. Damn it. 

Onto another product that you can't get  anymore, Hot Toddy Shower Gel from Lush. I stored a little bottle of this all last year so that I had some to use in the run up to Christmas. Bright red, sparkly and has that spicy cinnamon Christmas smell- what more could a girl need?

I'd seen these OPI Conditioners everywhere, and I'd always looked at the price tag and gone 'yep, not paying that much'. I picked up this OPI Renewing Argon Oil Conditioner up when it was on offer. Although it did leave my hair soft, I couldn't merit paying full price for it so won't be buying again. Nothing special. 

The Body Shop is back again. My bad. This time it's the Aloe Gentle Cleanser, the Vitamin E Toner and the Aloe Moisuring Day Cream. I like all of these products, I like them all a lot. The cleanser is a product that I buy over and over again and will probably continue to until I hear of something better. The toner was lovely (another little gift in my advent calendar), the only problem is that I totally begrudge paying money for a product that does he same job as water... And then the day cream is beautiful, but I just want a bit more! If it had an SPF then I would have stuck with it, but it just doesn't tick the boxes I want it to. 

Two perfumes now. Sian? Finishing perfumes? What's wrong with the world? But seriously, here I have Thiery Mugler's Angel and Alien. Angel is my signature scent for the nighttime and Alien was a little post holiday duty free treat last summer- but one that I shall definitely be repeating! 

And last but not least, a spot of Clinque. Here we've got Clinque's Anti Blemish Solution. It is basically a liquid exfoliant toner, and is a product that I don't purchase all of the time (due to it's hefty £18 price tag) but do enjoy and crave from time to time when my skin is a little lack lustre. I would certainly recommend for people who like to exfoliate but don't like to actively scrub their skin. 

I hope that this has been a nice reintroduction and I promise that you'll now be getting regular material regularly. 

Speak later, 

Sian x 

Cheeky Lush Haul

It happened again...my bad. 

I was coming to the end of my shift, we had new products in and I knew that I could afford to spend a little on a few bits...so I did. 

Not going to lie, I have absolutely fallen in love with the Lush Easter 2016 range, like really. So I picked up the bits that most took my fancy (yeah only two, this girl isn't made of money). And then I picked up some favourites. 

Right then, rambley bit over. Here we go:

Mint Julips Lip Scrub-

I've only ever used the limited edition Christmas and Valentine's scrubs from Lush but I've always quite fancied this one. Mint Julips is a mint chocolate sugar lip scrub, it's great for exfoliating away any dead skin and keeps lips kissable. I've been using lip liner a lot over the last few weeks, and crikey, my lips are a chapped, dry state so I picked this little pot up to make my lips feel less like the back end of a hedgehog. 

King Of Skin Body Butter-

This! This is the one! I'm a stickler for moisturising after having a bath or shower, but I'm not going to lie, it's such a massive ballache!! It takes ages and it's not enjoyable and I'd rather use my time doing something else. This solid bar takes away some of that effort as you simply use it while you're still in the shower or bath, just as you would with a soap. I love using this when I've got a tan, even if only from a bottle.

Golden Egg Bath Bomb-

ALL OF THE GLITTER! I'm seriously a magpie. I pick up a few of these every year because this girl loves the sparkle. This bath bomb-bath melt hybrid moisturises, makes you smell of toffee and leaves you a little bit shimmery. Yes please! 

Humpty Dumpty Bath Bomb-

I wouldn't usually pick one of these up because I don't think it's the most attractive of bath bombs, however...it smells incredible. Filled with a toffee, honey scent, I can't wait to drop this one in my bath. 

Milky Bath Bubble Bar- 

You see this one all of the time. It's my favourite. Milk, cocoa butter and bubbles.  It's a winner all round really. Sorry, not sorry. 

I apologise for my slight addiction to Lush products but it's not going to stop and I'm pretty sure that you'll be seeing another one of these sometime soon. 

To Mum or Not To Mum: Let's Talk About Ovaries

This is the kind of post that you don't know how to start. The sort of post that you're not sure you should even write. However, when a doctor first told me that I might not be as fertile as I would hope, I felt nothing but lost, inadequate and alone. And reading an account from someone like me made me feel like I wasn't alone. Infertility is one of those taboo topics that you never think will affect you. It only happens to people you don't know, or it's just a statistic and it doesn't actually happen to anyone real. It's just a number.  But after my doctor told me that she wanted to investigate whether I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I realised that it's all so much more than a number. The feelings that come with it are more than real. PCOS is a condition whereby small cysts develop on your ovaries and stop your body from releasing eggs regularly, or for some people at all. This makes it difficult to time when to get pregnant and for some people makes if near impossible to get pregnant at all., or to carry a baby full term. The are tones of symptoms for it, and there's a lot of biology that I'm not going to pretend know, but one thing I have learned is that if I do have this condition (I'm too nervous to go and have the ultrasound that I need) then it's not the end of the road.  When I was first told that I may have a condition that would affect whether or not I could have children, I felt like my whole world was falling down around me. Who will love me if I can't offer them a family? What will I leave behind when I'm gone? What will be my legacy? Who will remember me? Is IVF an option? Will I never get to find out what it's like to carry a baby? Will I never get to feel that absolute unconditional love for something that is made of me? All of these questions whizzed through my head, in fact they buzzed in and never really left; instead they just sat humming on my head on a constant basis. It was a concept that I couldn't comprehend. I've always been curious about what it would be like to carry a baby, and now I've been told that I might struggle even getting to that point.  I know this is not a death sentence and I'm very aware that I may go and have my tests and there be nothing there and I'll be sent home labelled 'normal'. Even people who have PCOS can go on to have perfectly healthy flourishing families without that much difficulty. But it's felt like all kinds of scary and isn't something that I've really shared with people. I know this is a tone of waffle (my bad), but I'm just emptying my head here, so bear/bare (I NEVER know which one it is) with me.  Even if I come out of this the other side with no issues, this whole experience has taught me a few things.  1. Life is really effing special and no one should take it for granted. Some people can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and other's can't. Life is a gift and it doesn't just happen, so if you have been gifted with the opportunity to bring someone into the world- don't brush it aside, it's really freaking important. 2. 'OMG I'M PREGNANT' frapes are the least funny thing in the world. 3. There are times in life where we are faced with a whole load of bull shit that we don't know how to deal with. Sometimes this leaves us feeling really alone, but we are far from that. Really, speaking from experience here.  Lastly, this may have been a little TMI, but I'm speaking about it because it's important and even if it only reaches one person that it makes a difference to then that's great for me. I'll leve you with some final words that I shared with a blogger who found out at around the same time as me that she might have PCOS... Don't worry. We got this. 

Soap and Glory The Whole She-bang

I should have typed this up forever ago! Like, really. I bought this set in the Christmas sales and we've gotten as far as late February, gotten as far as cut price Valentine chocolates on sale before I've managed to put some text to these photos?! What the hell have you been playing at? The ironic thing is that I was super organised with taking my blog photos for this post, it's the writing that I've ballsed up on this time. 

Last year, I managed to pick up the big daddy of Soap and Glory gift sets in the Crimbo sale at half price. And I loved it SO much. All of the cosmetics goals. But I thought 'Surely I can't be that lucky two years in a row?'. I'm not going to lie, no I wasn't. I did better. I picked this up for LESS THAN HALF PRICE! And the Nobel Prize winner for taking on the January sales is...

It should have been £60, I picked this bad boy up for only £25! Obviously, you won't be able to pick this up anymore, but the products within it are still relevant, so I'm going to do a round up of my opinions on those as individual items instead. 

Clean On Me Shower Cream- this was the first ever S&G product I ever picked up. It has that classic sweet marshmallowy scent and is lovely and moisturising on the skin. The shower cream of Queens. 

The Righteous Butter Instant Sunkissed Tint Body Lotion- the sight of this when I opened up the bag filled me with a complete sense of euphoria. AN INSTANT TANNER! I've only patch tested this and it doesn't seem to have the biggest colour pay off in the world (not always a bad thing for Snow White over here) but it smells good and does help to take the edge of your milky white bits.

Hand Food...hmm...I can usually take or leave this one. There's nothing wrong with it, I just prefer small tubes, lighter texture and more fruity smells. My mum usually ends up with any bottles of these I've got.

I haven't used Soap and Glory skin care in forever! Like, really. I'm quite intrigued to give this a go though, it claims to cut through and remove make up, which I find that face washes don't usually do all that well. So I'll be giving Peaches and Clean Deep Cleansing Milk a go. We shall see if it makes the cut.

HEEL GENIUS! Now where would I be without this stuff! In fact, I remember buying it as a regular product before it was called Heel Genius and was still in blue packaging. True story bro. But seriously, I love everything about it; it saves my small, tired and really crappy feet and...smells like a fruit salad dessert made in Heaven. Halle-freaking-lujah!

And it needs neither an introduction or an explanation, there's a token pot of The Righteous Butter in the corner there. No further justification needed.

The Scrub Of Your Life is another of the first ever Soap and Glory products I got my grubby little mitts on. And it's the bee's knees. It's invigorating without being scratchy or abrasive and it's a fantastic fake tan partner.

I've tried a few bits from S&G's makeup range, and I've been pretty happy with everything I've tried. I'm looking forward to cracking open the Thick and Fast HD Mascara, because I loved how volumising Thick and Fast was. This claims to be thickening and lengthening and contains collagen (I'm guessing that this is supposed to give you that bit of oomph). From the hype, I'm expecting big things. 

Plumping lip glosses that leave you all tingly are one thing that I just cannot get to grips with. Since this Sexy Mother Pucker isn't glittery or shimmery like others I have tried, I guess I'll give it a go. Girl can't beat a solid colour gloss. But this is one that only time will tell.

I'll keep you updated on whether there's any of these (other than the one's I've already confessed my undying love for) that I become bezzie mates with. But for now, that's your lot. Late to the party, but still hopefully useful!

It's All About Colour Correcting

My skin. Where to start, with my skin? Oh Lordy. It's not terrible but it's far from perfect: I'm on antibiotics to keep my acne under control; I naturally have very large open pores; and I'm plagued by two large pinky purple blemishes across my cheekbone. Ideally, it would be great to have a lovely full coverage where you can't see any of these little nasties poking though but I've never been able to get rid of them. 

Recently though, I decided to give colour correcting a shot. My days of Collection 2000 concealer are gone. Skeptical me took herself off to Superdrug to peruse what was on offer. My answer- very little. However, I did manage to pick up a little MUA palette with green, yellow, purple and orange creams in. Happy girl. 

It's a very simple concept, you use the coloured creams as your concealer to combat specific colours: 

Green- red and pink tones

Yellow- purple tones

Orange- blue tones (good on veins) 

Purple- yellow tones 

And I've been doing this for a few weeks now. Three words. Hook. Line. Sinker. 

In fact I've been back since and purchased the mixed colour powder to wear on top of my make up (instead of a single colour matte powder) and the yellow and green creams separately (they're the only colours I need). MUA, you did hella good! 

I've noticed a real difference in the initial finish of my make up and I'm very VERY impressed. Those pesky darker colours that appear through my foundation base are no where near as noticeable. I'd like to say that it's a complete difference throughout the day, but it's make up, not magic. A girl can wish, but no. 

Other brands, obviously, do sell these type of colour correcting kits but this is the only one I've tried. If you're looking for somewhere to start though, I'd definitely give it a go. 

January Through Instagram

We've hit the big Twenty Sixteen. And not only that, but we're in February 2016. I thought it was about time that I updated my '.... Through  Instagram' series with a new monthly instalment. I'm just too good to you guys. Naww.

Not going to lie though, I think some of these are from December, some from January and probably one or two from February too. But just don't think about it. 

1. Definitely a December pic. I know this because I took it on Christmas Day. It's okay though because I didn't do a December Instagram post. And I really liked my hair that day. I spent the whole of my Christmas day with no make up on whatsoever and wandering around in leggings. So it was lovely to get dolled up. 

2. THE MOST INTENSE GAME OF PICTIONARY EVER!! Well that's what you get when you fill a room with pizza, uni students and young teachers. Obvs. 

3. Say hello to my favourite little person ever. Baby George, my gorgeous nephew. 

4 and 6 (Sorry, not sorry about summing up two pictures at once). I love my job! I got to be Cinderella at Sofia's 8th Birthday party at the beginning of January and all of the girls had a fab time! Including myself if I'm honest. I think Cinderella may just be my favourite Princess to play, I want less Frozen and more old school Princesses! Shout it from the rooftops!

5. And, once I de-princessed, I got to watch the pants Cinderella, starring Gareth Gates. I had a whale of a time. I haven't seen a pants in years and years, and I always forget just how dirty they are!

7. Double rainbow alert! I have never seen such an amazing thing. I was driving along to work in complete awe of these beauties. They were so bright and full (the photo doesn't do them justice), so I had to pull over and take a snap. 

8. Raspberries. Winning. The End. 

9. A cheeky extra pic of my little man again. This one just melts my heart. He wasn't a happy bunny that day. Just check out the bottom lip. 

Lush Haul: Valentines and Favourites

So...I bought these forever ago...uploaded the photos..and then forgot to actually type anything up...my bad. OOPSIE. Ha.

Well, here we are, a little haul of cruelty free cosmetics. You knew it was always going to be a Lush haul. I picked these bits up when the Valentine's Day 2016 products came out in January. So, yes, I am a little late on putting this together. 

I picked up two of the new V-Day bath products: one being the super popular, lavender scented Unicorn Horn Bubble Bar and the other being Lover's Lamp Bath Bomb. I tried the bath bomb recently and it was lovely! The scent was VERY sweet, and not really my cup of tea, but I have to say that I love the idea of having bath melts inside a bath bomb. Yep. Those red hearts on the outside are bath melts. THANK YOU LUSH, WE LOVE YOU!

I also couldn't help but grab a few all year round favourites too. The Experimenter: the super duper colourful vanilla and tonka bath bomb. Frozen: the blue sparkly neroli scented one. And lastly, my all time favourite: MILKY BATH! Filled with skimmed milk and cocoa butter, it is my go to. 

I needed to grab a bottle of Daddy O because this ex-ginger turned blondie totally needs that purple stuff to stop me from wandering into 'Annie' territory. So obviously I picked up the biggest one. 

But I also picked up two bottles of Prince Charming. I'll tell you a story: some people lust after Snow Fairy, well I lust after Prince Charming! I can't describe how amazing it smells- sweet, fruity and delicious. Winning. And this year Lush have brought the big PC out as a shower cream instead of a shower gel, which is exciting. Not going to lie, I was a little disappointed that they filled it with cocoa butter because now I won't be able to wash my hair with it. But at the same time, I'm excited to use it as a moisturising treat. 

Finally I grabbed a Kinky Hot Oil Treatment. To make this useable, you have to melt the treatment in boiling hot water, much like hot chocolate on a spoon, and then put it through the lengths of your hair. "But you don't have curly hair" I hear you cry. No, I don't, in fact, my hair is poker straight. But I love this treatment, it's super nourishing and smells amazeballs. 

So there we are, a little overdue, but a quick Lush haul for you. 

A Bottle of Red later...

It's 23:23 (way hey) on a Friday night and I'm sat alone on my bed with all of my clothes on and a full face of make up; having eaten my way through a whole Terry's Chocolate Orange (not Terry's, definitely mine) and having knocked back a whole bottle of Summer Red by my lonesome. In life, it's times like these that make you really put your life into perspective. I have a good life, I have no reason to cry into a teal coloured scatter cushion and no real reason to whinge about it all over Facebook and yet I still feel like I'm nearing Britney 2007. Help me.

It's times like these in life, when comparing oneself to everyone around you feels inevitable and will only achieve one thing. To make you feel like shit. A steaming pile of shit. And Sianey doesn't like feeling like shit. No one bit. Urghh.

Hitting the midpoint between being a teenager and being a fully fledged self sufficient adult really sucks. I feel so far away from being independent and even further away from doing all of the 'grown up'  things I want to do...like moving in with someone I love, marriage, children, etc...

It wasn't long ago that I was typing out a little post about life not being perfect but that being okay, and now...well, I'm feeling a little different.

I go to work. I have a great job. I come home from work and wait to go back to work again. I literally don't know what to do with myself, except read up material on how to be better at my job- obviously not a bad thing, but also it feels a little repetitive.

Weight and image, don't even get me onto those! I feel like I'm getting bigger and bigger and feeling less confident in the way I look. With make up, freshly washed hair and a strong contour, I'm still only a shaky 4 out of 10.

Yesterday I realised that I have no point set in time to look forward to, no specific date. Nothing planned at the weekend. No holiday. No project with an end date to look forward to.  I'm seriously missing out on having an Emerald City at the end of my not-so yellow brick road. And this Dorothy is in need of some ruby slippers until she gets her mojo back.

Being stuck in a rut is a rubbish place to be. If you're finding yourself in that sort of a dwelling...I feel ya, you're not alone on that one. But hang on in there baby, because we're going to be fine!

To end this point on a high (well...sort of), I feel like I need to right something profound and inspirational, however I'm lacking a little.

2007 was not a good year, but that's okay, it's 2016 and we can freaking do this. 

Struggles for Girls with Small Feet

I was reading a blog post earlier about the struggles that girls with big feet go through regularly, from Career Girl Daily, you can read it here. And although I couldn't relate to ANYTHING in it, it did make me think about a hell of a lot of small feet problems that I go through. My feet measure in at a meagre 2, I usually wear a size 3 though packed with insoles because have you tried to find size 2 shoes?! Yep, this girl's tootsies are tiny.  Like, really. Sometimes I even buy children's shoes. Note: a massive perk of small feet. In fact I once wanted a pair of the knitted boots that were around a few years ago, I could find a pair in my size in the adult section, however I did find a cute black pair in the children's section. Complete with bright pink buttons. Winning.   But sometimes having small feet is just a bit of a pain in the arse. So here's my small feet inspired response: 1. Small feet= small heels. I can't wear 6 inch killer heels, quite simply because my feet are barely 6 inches long. This makes finding a good pair of heels really difficult, I have to sort of dance in the realms of heels looking a bit mumsy, unless I opt for an enormous platform.  2. Shoes are always that bit too big.  If I could be sponsored in life by any single company, it would be someone who makes insoles for shoes. Although, I'm not going to lie, I'm often beyond help from insoles. And let's face it tackling shoes that are obviously too big for you just makes you look a bit of a mess. I hold my hands up! Yes, that is me. Especially at 3am after a night out. "I'm not really drunk, my shoes just don't fit properly" 3. There's never anything in the sale.  If I had a pound for every time I heard someone say 'It must be great to have small feet, there must be loads in the sale' I could actually quit my job, enrol in a shoe making course and make shoes to stick up the arses of everyone who has ever said this to me. It's a complete myth! There's barely anything left in the sale for size 2 and 3, and if there is then it's because they are freaking ugly and no one wants them. 4. Bowling. I don't mind going bowling. In fact, bowling is great. However...when you hand in your shoes and get handed back a pair of bowling shoes that fasten with velcro instead of laces, it sort of kills off a bit of the charm. I am legit not trusted with lace up shoes because my shoe size dictates that I probably should be about 8 years old.  5. The 'If your feet were any smaller you'd fall over' joke. Oh F*** off. I hope this was a little bit of a lighthearted comedic response, having little feet is great sometimes, however it can be the most frustrating thing. What are your #smallfeetproblems?

2016 To Do List

I'm not going to lie, I'm completely done with all of this 'new year, new me' new year resolutions that I'll probably abandon after about 3 weeks of being poor and chubby in January. So I haven't made any of those kind of promises to myself; partly because I know that they'll only leave me feeling inadequate, like a failure and crying about my life into a large cut prices white chocolate snowman.

So instead, I've decided to set myself the kind of goals that I'll actually want to complete. Nice goals. Maybe, for some, they aren't really achievements or anything of note- that's probably the beauty of them. I don't want to set myself goals for the sake of goals, so I've created a mini 2016 bucket list.

After a chat with my fabulous friend Sarah about setting myself long term and short term goals so that I don't feel so snowed under, I had a real kick of motivation. It led me to really thinking about what I want to get from this year. And hopefully these little items on my 'to do list' will help me feel a little more human. 

I'm going to do 2016 right, and I'm going to do it my own way. 

-Go for afternoon tea somewhere I've never been before. 

-Book into a hotel and not a Travelodge when I stay overnight somewhere. 

-Read a book that's been recommended by a friend.

-Visit Lush Oxford Street.

-Re-find the foreign universe that is 'being under 9 stone'.

-Organise more charity fundraising events this year.

-Be more creative.

-Spend more time with friends.

-Upload blog posts at least twice per week.

On Feeling Content but Not Settled

Content. I think that's a pretty good word. And I think it's a word that sums me up right now. 

Saturday night: had tea with my significant other (fair enough it was a McDonald's on a carpark, the height of romance, but lovely none the less); had a bath, finishing off the last of my stash of Lush Oxford Street Exclusives; did a quick tidy up; lit a candle (currently burning a lavender Yankee Candle, which is freaking beautiful and I usually bloody hate lavender) and now I'm sat emptying my head into this post whilst making my way through a bottle of Asti. It might not be the most exciting of Saturday nights, but it's not bad. 

In fact, I was watching some old videos from one of my all time favourite bloggers, Hannah Gale (damn, that girl hits the nail on the head every time), and one of her videos from about 2 months ago really struck a chord with me. She was talking about those instagram-able quotes that you can get on notebooks and t-shirts and all sorts of other Pinterest worthy pieces. She said 'My life has been incredible, if only I'd noticed it sooner' and it couldn't be more true. My life may be far from where I'd hoped it might be, but it sure as hell ain't bad. 

Am I 100% happy with my life? No, I'm not, but I'm trying to do everything I can do to get it even that little bit closer. Have I reached a state of career woman bliss? Nope, far from it actually, but I'm moving forward and taking control of my own path so that I can get to where I want to get to. Have one's significant other and I become '#relationshipgoals'? Probably not, and I'd love for us to really move forward with where our relationship is, but for now it's lovely- I've met someone that I adore, who's not an absolute bellend and who cares for me back. For now, that's good enough for me. Am I a stone heavier than I should be and about two stone heavier than I'd like to be? Sure as hell I am, but what can I say? Carrot cake is my friend and I'm not a quitter. 

I have some amazing friends, an amazing family, a roof over my head, a fantastic job, alcohol in a really nice glass, I saw the most awe inspiring rainbow ever yesterday and slowly but surely I'm feeling just that little bit more adult.

More responsible. More empowered. More accountable. More inspired. 

Being content is a good thing, it means that things are good, you'd be happy if they stayed the same. But the important thing here is that I'm by no means settled, I want to achieve big things, go to places I've never been to before, reach milestones with people that I didn't think I could reach (filthy minds out of the gutter), I do not intend to sit here and let life pass me by. 

No doubt this year is going to through some real shit at me. But I'm counting on this year being the year that things turn around for this college dropout and I'm ready to do anything to make sure that 2016 is a year for big things.

Be content with life because life is good. But never settle- you might just surprise yourself.

Alls I can say now is: Come at me 2016. We got this.