To Mum or Not To Mum: Let's Talk About Ovaries

This is the kind of post that you don't know how to start. The sort of post that you're not sure you should even write. However, when a doctor first told me that I might not be as fertile as I would hope, I felt nothing but lost, inadequate and alone. And reading an account from someone like me made me feel like I wasn't alone. Infertility is one of those taboo topics that you never think will affect you. It only happens to people you don't know, or it's just a statistic and it doesn't actually happen to anyone real. It's just a number.  But after my doctor told me that she wanted to investigate whether I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I realised that it's all so much more than a number. The feelings that come with it are more than real. PCOS is a condition whereby small cysts develop on your ovaries and stop your body from releasing eggs regularly, or for some people at all. This makes it difficult to time when to get pregnant and for some people makes if near impossible to get pregnant at all., or to carry a baby full term. The are tones of symptoms for it, and there's a lot of biology that I'm not going to pretend know, but one thing I have learned is that if I do have this condition (I'm too nervous to go and have the ultrasound that I need) then it's not the end of the road.  When I was first told that I may have a condition that would affect whether or not I could have children, I felt like my whole world was falling down around me. Who will love me if I can't offer them a family? What will I leave behind when I'm gone? What will be my legacy? Who will remember me? Is IVF an option? Will I never get to find out what it's like to carry a baby? Will I never get to feel that absolute unconditional love for something that is made of me? All of these questions whizzed through my head, in fact they buzzed in and never really left; instead they just sat humming on my head on a constant basis. It was a concept that I couldn't comprehend. I've always been curious about what it would be like to carry a baby, and now I've been told that I might struggle even getting to that point.  I know this is not a death sentence and I'm very aware that I may go and have my tests and there be nothing there and I'll be sent home labelled 'normal'. Even people who have PCOS can go on to have perfectly healthy flourishing families without that much difficulty. But it's felt like all kinds of scary and isn't something that I've really shared with people. I know this is a tone of waffle (my bad), but I'm just emptying my head here, so bear/bare (I NEVER know which one it is) with me.  Even if I come out of this the other side with no issues, this whole experience has taught me a few things.  1. Life is really effing special and no one should take it for granted. Some people can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and other's can't. Life is a gift and it doesn't just happen, so if you have been gifted with the opportunity to bring someone into the world- don't brush it aside, it's really freaking important. 2. 'OMG I'M PREGNANT' frapes are the least funny thing in the world. 3. There are times in life where we are faced with a whole load of bull shit that we don't know how to deal with. Sometimes this leaves us feeling really alone, but we are far from that. Really, speaking from experience here.  Lastly, this may have been a little TMI, but I'm speaking about it because it's important and even if it only reaches one person that it makes a difference to then that's great for me. I'll leve you with some final words that I shared with a blogger who found out at around the same time as me that she might have PCOS... Don't worry. We got this. 

Soap and Glory The Whole She-bang

I should have typed this up forever ago! Like, really. I bought this set in the Christmas sales and we've gotten as far as late February, gotten as far as cut price Valentine chocolates on sale before I've managed to put some text to these photos?! What the hell have you been playing at? The ironic thing is that I was super organised with taking my blog photos for this post, it's the writing that I've ballsed up on this time. 

Last year, I managed to pick up the big daddy of Soap and Glory gift sets in the Crimbo sale at half price. And I loved it SO much. All of the cosmetics goals. But I thought 'Surely I can't be that lucky two years in a row?'. I'm not going to lie, no I wasn't. I did better. I picked this up for LESS THAN HALF PRICE! And the Nobel Prize winner for taking on the January sales is...

It should have been £60, I picked this bad boy up for only £25! Obviously, you won't be able to pick this up anymore, but the products within it are still relevant, so I'm going to do a round up of my opinions on those as individual items instead. 

Clean On Me Shower Cream- this was the first ever S&G product I ever picked up. It has that classic sweet marshmallowy scent and is lovely and moisturising on the skin. The shower cream of Queens. 

The Righteous Butter Instant Sunkissed Tint Body Lotion- the sight of this when I opened up the bag filled me with a complete sense of euphoria. AN INSTANT TANNER! I've only patch tested this and it doesn't seem to have the biggest colour pay off in the world (not always a bad thing for Snow White over here) but it smells good and does help to take the edge of your milky white bits.

Hand Food...hmm...I can usually take or leave this one. There's nothing wrong with it, I just prefer small tubes, lighter texture and more fruity smells. My mum usually ends up with any bottles of these I've got.

I haven't used Soap and Glory skin care in forever! Like, really. I'm quite intrigued to give this a go though, it claims to cut through and remove make up, which I find that face washes don't usually do all that well. So I'll be giving Peaches and Clean Deep Cleansing Milk a go. We shall see if it makes the cut.

HEEL GENIUS! Now where would I be without this stuff! In fact, I remember buying it as a regular product before it was called Heel Genius and was still in blue packaging. True story bro. But seriously, I love everything about it; it saves my small, tired and really crappy feet and...smells like a fruit salad dessert made in Heaven. Halle-freaking-lujah!

And it needs neither an introduction or an explanation, there's a token pot of The Righteous Butter in the corner there. No further justification needed.

The Scrub Of Your Life is another of the first ever Soap and Glory products I got my grubby little mitts on. And it's the bee's knees. It's invigorating without being scratchy or abrasive and it's a fantastic fake tan partner.

I've tried a few bits from S&G's makeup range, and I've been pretty happy with everything I've tried. I'm looking forward to cracking open the Thick and Fast HD Mascara, because I loved how volumising Thick and Fast was. This claims to be thickening and lengthening and contains collagen (I'm guessing that this is supposed to give you that bit of oomph). From the hype, I'm expecting big things. 

Plumping lip glosses that leave you all tingly are one thing that I just cannot get to grips with. Since this Sexy Mother Pucker isn't glittery or shimmery like others I have tried, I guess I'll give it a go. Girl can't beat a solid colour gloss. But this is one that only time will tell.

I'll keep you updated on whether there's any of these (other than the one's I've already confessed my undying love for) that I become bezzie mates with. But for now, that's your lot. Late to the party, but still hopefully useful!

It's All About Colour Correcting

My skin. Where to start, with my skin? Oh Lordy. It's not terrible but it's far from perfect: I'm on antibiotics to keep my acne under control; I naturally have very large open pores; and I'm plagued by two large pinky purple blemishes across my cheekbone. Ideally, it would be great to have a lovely full coverage where you can't see any of these little nasties poking though but I've never been able to get rid of them. 

Recently though, I decided to give colour correcting a shot. My days of Collection 2000 concealer are gone. Skeptical me took herself off to Superdrug to peruse what was on offer. My answer- very little. However, I did manage to pick up a little MUA palette with green, yellow, purple and orange creams in. Happy girl. 

It's a very simple concept, you use the coloured creams as your concealer to combat specific colours: 

Green- red and pink tones

Yellow- purple tones

Orange- blue tones (good on veins) 

Purple- yellow tones 

And I've been doing this for a few weeks now. Three words. Hook. Line. Sinker. 

In fact I've been back since and purchased the mixed colour powder to wear on top of my make up (instead of a single colour matte powder) and the yellow and green creams separately (they're the only colours I need). MUA, you did hella good! 

I've noticed a real difference in the initial finish of my make up and I'm very VERY impressed. Those pesky darker colours that appear through my foundation base are no where near as noticeable. I'd like to say that it's a complete difference throughout the day, but it's make up, not magic. A girl can wish, but no. 

Other brands, obviously, do sell these type of colour correcting kits but this is the only one I've tried. If you're looking for somewhere to start though, I'd definitely give it a go. 

January Through Instagram

We've hit the big Twenty Sixteen. And not only that, but we're in February 2016. I thought it was about time that I updated my '.... Through  Instagram' series with a new monthly instalment. I'm just too good to you guys. Naww.

Not going to lie though, I think some of these are from December, some from January and probably one or two from February too. But just don't think about it. 

1. Definitely a December pic. I know this because I took it on Christmas Day. It's okay though because I didn't do a December Instagram post. And I really liked my hair that day. I spent the whole of my Christmas day with no make up on whatsoever and wandering around in leggings. So it was lovely to get dolled up. 

2. THE MOST INTENSE GAME OF PICTIONARY EVER!! Well that's what you get when you fill a room with pizza, uni students and young teachers. Obvs. 

3. Say hello to my favourite little person ever. Baby George, my gorgeous nephew. 

4 and 6 (Sorry, not sorry about summing up two pictures at once). I love my job! I got to be Cinderella at Sofia's 8th Birthday party at the beginning of January and all of the girls had a fab time! Including myself if I'm honest. I think Cinderella may just be my favourite Princess to play, I want less Frozen and more old school Princesses! Shout it from the rooftops!

5. And, once I de-princessed, I got to watch the pants Cinderella, starring Gareth Gates. I had a whale of a time. I haven't seen a pants in years and years, and I always forget just how dirty they are!

7. Double rainbow alert! I have never seen such an amazing thing. I was driving along to work in complete awe of these beauties. They were so bright and full (the photo doesn't do them justice), so I had to pull over and take a snap. 

8. Raspberries. Winning. The End. 

9. A cheeky extra pic of my little man again. This one just melts my heart. He wasn't a happy bunny that day. Just check out the bottom lip. 

Lush Haul: Valentines and Favourites

So...I bought these forever ago...uploaded the photos..and then forgot to actually type anything up...my bad. OOPSIE. Ha.

Well, here we are, a little haul of cruelty free cosmetics. You knew it was always going to be a Lush haul. I picked these bits up when the Valentine's Day 2016 products came out in January. So, yes, I am a little late on putting this together. 

I picked up two of the new V-Day bath products: one being the super popular, lavender scented Unicorn Horn Bubble Bar and the other being Lover's Lamp Bath Bomb. I tried the bath bomb recently and it was lovely! The scent was VERY sweet, and not really my cup of tea, but I have to say that I love the idea of having bath melts inside a bath bomb. Yep. Those red hearts on the outside are bath melts. THANK YOU LUSH, WE LOVE YOU!

I also couldn't help but grab a few all year round favourites too. The Experimenter: the super duper colourful vanilla and tonka bath bomb. Frozen: the blue sparkly neroli scented one. And lastly, my all time favourite: MILKY BATH! Filled with skimmed milk and cocoa butter, it is my go to. 

I needed to grab a bottle of Daddy O because this ex-ginger turned blondie totally needs that purple stuff to stop me from wandering into 'Annie' territory. So obviously I picked up the biggest one. 

But I also picked up two bottles of Prince Charming. I'll tell you a story: some people lust after Snow Fairy, well I lust after Prince Charming! I can't describe how amazing it smells- sweet, fruity and delicious. Winning. And this year Lush have brought the big PC out as a shower cream instead of a shower gel, which is exciting. Not going to lie, I was a little disappointed that they filled it with cocoa butter because now I won't be able to wash my hair with it. But at the same time, I'm excited to use it as a moisturising treat. 

Finally I grabbed a Kinky Hot Oil Treatment. To make this useable, you have to melt the treatment in boiling hot water, much like hot chocolate on a spoon, and then put it through the lengths of your hair. "But you don't have curly hair" I hear you cry. No, I don't, in fact, my hair is poker straight. But I love this treatment, it's super nourishing and smells amazeballs. 

So there we are, a little overdue, but a quick Lush haul for you. 

A Bottle of Red later...

It's 23:23 (way hey) on a Friday night and I'm sat alone on my bed with all of my clothes on and a full face of make up; having eaten my way through a whole Terry's Chocolate Orange (not Terry's, definitely mine) and having knocked back a whole bottle of Summer Red by my lonesome. In life, it's times like these that make you really put your life into perspective. I have a good life, I have no reason to cry into a teal coloured scatter cushion and no real reason to whinge about it all over Facebook and yet I still feel like I'm nearing Britney 2007. Help me.

It's times like these in life, when comparing oneself to everyone around you feels inevitable and will only achieve one thing. To make you feel like shit. A steaming pile of shit. And Sianey doesn't like feeling like shit. No one bit. Urghh.

Hitting the midpoint between being a teenager and being a fully fledged self sufficient adult really sucks. I feel so far away from being independent and even further away from doing all of the 'grown up'  things I want to do...like moving in with someone I love, marriage, children, etc...

It wasn't long ago that I was typing out a little post about life not being perfect but that being okay, and now...well, I'm feeling a little different.

I go to work. I have a great job. I come home from work and wait to go back to work again. I literally don't know what to do with myself, except read up material on how to be better at my job- obviously not a bad thing, but also it feels a little repetitive.

Weight and image, don't even get me onto those! I feel like I'm getting bigger and bigger and feeling less confident in the way I look. With make up, freshly washed hair and a strong contour, I'm still only a shaky 4 out of 10.

Yesterday I realised that I have no point set in time to look forward to, no specific date. Nothing planned at the weekend. No holiday. No project with an end date to look forward to.  I'm seriously missing out on having an Emerald City at the end of my not-so yellow brick road. And this Dorothy is in need of some ruby slippers until she gets her mojo back.

Being stuck in a rut is a rubbish place to be. If you're finding yourself in that sort of a dwelling...I feel ya, you're not alone on that one. But hang on in there baby, because we're going to be fine!

To end this point on a high (well...sort of), I feel like I need to right something profound and inspirational, however I'm lacking a little.

2007 was not a good year, but that's okay, it's 2016 and we can freaking do this.