Stages You Go Through On Your Period (That Your Boyfriend Doesn'tUnderstand)

We've all been there, you've just come on, you're hormonal, you want to eat the world and everything just feels a bit shit. You deal with this every month and providing you lock yourself away from anyone you might upset on the day when you're at your hormonal worst, you will recover. However, as I recently realised, PMS can actually send your boyfriend reeling in confusion and cluelessness. I documented the stages that Tom had to put up with in my most recent bout of 'mega cow, super bitch' and here's what I came up with. 

Number 1: 'the shitty and snappy stage'- This usually involves aggressive  texts, or some form of social media. Sarcasm, although not a skill usually possessed, suddenly becomes an art form that you have down to a T. When like this no one can do anything right, nothing will ever be good enough and you take all of your frustrations out on the person most accessible at the time.

Number 2: 'the could murder anyone stage'- Developing on from nothing being quite enough, this stage involves feeling pissed off at the whole world and everyone in it. Beware!

Number 3: 'the crying at everything stage'- After feeling annoyed at everyone within a 6 mile radius, crying normally ensues. This could be at an emotional advert featuring small fury animals, not being able to find a matching sock, crying over cold bath water etc...

Number 4: 'the soppy over emotional stage'- This involves confessions of undying love and lots of apologies from any comments made in the shitty snappy stage. To enter this stage you just need to give yourself a good slap back into reality and realise that crying over slightly burned toast will not get you anywhere.

Number 5: 'I need so many carbs stage'- Triggered by searching #foodporn on Instagram, it is a complete certainty that you will consume your own body weight in bread, pasta and probably lots of chocolate or chocolate based products. Sometimes a girl just got to eat those feelings.

Number 6: 'I'm so fat, you won't love me when I'm really fat stage'- Usually following the consumption of large amounts of carbs during the 'I need so many carbs' stage, the guilt of having eaten large amounts of food suddenly becomes very apparent. Once again, this stage usually involves emotionally texting your fella and unleashing 20 years of insecurities on him in under 200 characters.

Number 7: 'the crying it out stage'- You've made it this far and you still feel like shit, so you're allowed to now just go the whole hog. The 'crying it out' stage is a necessary part of picking yourself up and sorting yourself out. It could last 20 minutes, 4 hours or a week, who knows? But this is your opportunity to let everything out totally unrestricted. Often you just need to watch a really sad film to allow you to just cry it all out of your system, this is a more developed emotional state than that seen at stage 3, however is also one of the most important. Probably best to just not talk to anyone during this one, breathe and cry. Breathe and cry.